Fiction
 

The Saga of teh_Bast4rd_LeRoi: LymeJournal Post 09 Sep 2005 10:48:09

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It always begins the same. New locations new surroundings, but it always starts with white fire. And always, when the flame crackles down, I have no idea where I am. It’s just like some lame ’90’s cartoon–the story of a gamer, trapped on the internet! I never expected it to happen to me, teh_Bast4rd_LeRoi! If I ever find that sonovabitch LOLTroll I’m gonna–

YEAH RITE!

What am I gonna do. He is obviously some kinda leet wizard. And me? Pwned like a n00b.

Feh! Anyway, so since I’ve been stuck down in the|\|etwerx, I have been zapped uncontrollably from place to place like some kinda virtual super-ball! Still I can usually get a clue where I am from signage or signature design elements. If I end up near users, I can usually get information by eaves-dropping or reading over their shoulders, so to speak. Still, this adventure has been rough. It nearly broke me, to be honest. I mean, I didn’t ask for any of this. Can I hack it?

The VillageWell it was just the other day that I found myself in the midst of what seemed to be a village. It was the strangest thing I have ever seen, full of Little cottages of all different kinds. Some were thatched roof Elizabethans with the top floor larger than the bottom. Some were after a Mediterranean style with terracotta roof tiles. There were Colonial buildings and Edwardian period houses, flat topped Middle East and buildings like pagodas–houses of all kinds crammed in clumps and tiny neighborhoods together with shops and carnival games. It was the very idea of a village–a madman’s idea. Over the shops, and many of the houses, there were signs with electric lights flashing and humming. There was animation and neon, and out of place digitized shadows. Light seemed to come from everywhere, and from nowhere – – from over here and over there at the same time.

All up and down the roads, there were robot postmen zipping to and fro. Some walked on two feet, some zipped along on two wheels, and some even floated on magnetic clouds covering along the circuit-board-infused roads. And that’s when I spotted it, Instead of an eagle, these postman were emblazoned with the tuna logo of the Wahoo! Internet Group.

That’s how I knew where I was. I remembered reading an article in Wired about Wahoo! getting rid of traditional mail servers, and moving to a new series of integrated, wet-ware, A.I.-driven compiling machines, to combine the of their web search, custom browser, Email, and social networking apps. I realized, that’s what I’m seeing from the inside. I’m in a Wahoo! Community “Village Server!”

This might be it, I thought. This might be everything I need-How to send a message to the world outside, maybe get some help and get away from this place. I’ll admit, I was panicked. I needed a gleam of hope. I needed a win, after weeks of aimless wandering, of no real contact with others—and after the nonsense in that chat-room, a was desperate to try anything.

I walked toward the mass of buzzing bots, and tried to get their attention. I hoop and holler and danced. About. “Acknowledge me, you tin retards,” I yelled, and more; But I got no response.

I slump to the ground there on the sidewalk, Feeling about as dejected and hopeless as I can ever imagine I remember. Was there even a point to all of this, I asked myself; or was there an internet equivalent to liquor.

In the. Middle of this, I felt a nudge—ah, man! I can feel it starting, another flash. I will try to get back her and finish the story!

LOLTroll 100xLOLTroll (9/9/05 @23:58:09): “And me? Pwned like a n00b.” He’s not wrong.

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Profile1 100xteh_Bast4rd_LeRoi (9/10/05 @12:05:59): Hey! Get off of my LymeJournal, you dillweed! Do you have any idea how hard it was to get back here? I don’t even know how long I will be here before a flash-zap and I am gone; and I am just trying to get word to my fam that I am not dead.

Is he gone?  What a dick.

(collage by Rhys with apologies to Van Gogh, Hopper, and Lee; and thanks to the Rhys boys)

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The Saga of teh_Bast4rd_LeRoi: LymeJournal Post 04 Sep 2005 22:26:36

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Profile1a 500xI don’t know how long I will be here. I’ve been here for a while, but I can never tell these things. I just figured that while I was in one place, I should set the record straight. Leave something behind for those who will come after.

I have no idea how long I have been ‘inside’, but it seems like years. How can you tell passing of time when the sun never rises or sets, when the winds do not blow, and no stars shine. Here it is the blackest dark, or the brightest bright, or some pulsing, shimmering, humming thing in between. I have heard some of the people here, if you can call them people, refer to things as ‘cycles’–whatever that means. As long as I have been here, it makes no sense to me.

Feh, I used to have a life. I used to be normal. I was just a guy–a regular dude playing video games, trying to “save the world”. Maybe I was brash, and I got a little famous for being reckless; but people knew my handle–teh_Bast4rd_LeRoi. Whether I was on the Worlds of StarCraft or the Marauders of Gaia, I was a known dude. It felt great, but I never thought of myself as a hero. It was all just a game, after all.

Well, one day not long after the Spar7ann event, I was online on MoG, and I spotted this troll just picking on some noobs. Now, everybody gives noobs a little bit of grief, but this guy (his handle was LOLTroll) was just being a real dick to these guys. I mean just starting fights and crap. His HP was unbelievable and he was just picking on them. So I walked over to him told the guy told the guy he was being a douchebag and to back off. I told him, “Hey, we all got to start somewhere.”

His avatar looked at mine, and somehow straight into my own eyes. “You picked the wrong guy to screw with, chump,” he said. In the next minute the whole world erupted into white flame—a fire cold and hot and electric. Then it was black.

I awoke on the floor, and then gingerly stood to my feet. The ground seemed further away then I remembered it; and when I looked at my hands, they were not my thin, engineer’s hands, but the meaty clubs of a warrior. Somehow–by some magic, I suppose—I was trapped inside the game, and inside my avatar, the hulking LeRoi.

I had little time for shock, as I spent the next three ‘days’ with the noobs fighting our way our of a wraith filled forest. At the edge of the woods, we spotted a village with an inn on the edge, but before we could reach the door, I was taken by another white flash.

After this second bolt I found myself in something like a Roman forum, standing on the floor and surrounded by rising rows of faces, motionless, except for their roving and darting eyes. These faces were looking out over the forum and racing to type across the air, and I realized I was looking up to a message board. I tried to attract the attention of the posters, to find answers; but not one understood that I was not just another user trolling them. I did not have much time to get flustered before the white flash took me away.

And that is how it has been for who-knows-how-long. I am stuck here in a place that some call the Netwerx—the convergences of the world’s computer and telecom systems. It like Tron or the Matrix– where users interface with each-other and ‘bots and AI’s. And most have no idea was is going on beneath the service. I wander when I can, ‘jump’ when pulled along, and try to get out. God, I hope I can just find a way home.

 

(‘Marauders of Gaia’ created by Sortelli, http://www.elfonlyinn.net. Used with permission.)

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